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snorlaxatives:

i lost my virginity inside the night club on club penguin 

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exhists:

i’ve been meaning to go on a diet for about 5 years

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Weight is really just earth being attracted to you.

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skypestripper:

snapchat must be fun for hot people

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  • 14 hours ago
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fluent-in-lesbianism:

MY MOM JUST TOLD ME TO CREMATE HER AND PUT HER ASHES IN AN HOUR GLASS SO THAT EVEN AFTER SHE’S DEAD AND GONE SHE CAN CONTINUE TELLING ME HOW MUCH TIME I’M WASTING.

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